Okay, so the past couple of weeks have been turbulent, to put it mildly. Thank God the weather was kind of exorcising me though, or I really might have lost the plot. Other things I’m thankful for include the wonderfully low price of The Simpsons boxsets on Amazon; movies including but not restricted to Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, Heathers (yes, I finally got around to doing that research), Scream 1 &2 and Frozen, both for allaying my mental issues for a few hours by transporting me into worlds of beginnings, middles, and ends, and for whiling away the hours of paranoia without ever changing; Meejin McCann for being there and not getting mad, and Madleen Duffy for nostalgia. Things I am less thankful for; that miserable song by Adele, and the fact I can’t get those two weeks (or that fourteen quid) back.
I suppose it is naive to think that something so significant can be done and dusted in twenty-four hours, and even sillier to think it will be solved in just two. I need to stop thinking that if I solve this little piece of the jigsaw, everything will be perfect. I need to stop finding false roots and accept what I have told everyone else; there is no root. There is no cause, there is no off-switch, there is no panacea. I keep ignoring, mitigating and running, but it’s so pointless because your shadow follows you everywhere. It is still going to be there whether you’re in Sydney or the ice hotel or lying on the living room floor. (On a sidenote, anyone know how Peter Pan lost his shadow?)
It is so very annoying; you know when you're fourteen and you're doing your surly the-world-can-bite-my-ass bit and sighing at the stars thinking When is my real life going to kick in? Well, my conscience keeps telling me the flipside of that; This is not a game anymore, this is your life. So I try to grab the reins or the steering wheel or whatever and take control and redeem myself and atone for everything I've done in the past, but it feels like I'm that kid who cried wolf and I'm trying to drive through mud and something is laughing and going Too little, too late!
Still, every experience is a learning curve right? So what I have learned as a result of the turbulence is that having all your dignity and pride stripped away is incredibly liberating.
In other news;
- Michelle and I both passed English Literature 1B with B1s! Someone up there likes us.
- Kermode & Mayo’s ten year anniversary is coming up! I’m so excited, even though I’m not going to be there when they have the philharmonic orchestra playing amazing film scores :(! Here’s to ten more! And hello to Jason Isaacs.
- And on Monday, bright and early, Meejin and I are heading down to North Berwick for five days to kick back, relax, and acquire beer bellies. Oh wot larks!
Okay, I have nothing else to say that isn’t the incoherent ramblings of someone in need of hugs, kisses, a John Hughes marathon, copious amounts of Horlicks and cheese beanos, and someone with a nice leather couch and a deep knowledge of Freud, so I'll be off. Hopefully when I return I’ll be in a much jollier mood!
Over and out.
P.S., David, if you’re reading this, I think I need that cup of tea now :(.